今年生日收到的禮物，可以用來做國際文化對比的案例了。

雖然我說話有時比較誇張，不過這次真的覺得挺有意思。

中國人：多功能手表

意大利人：鮮花

美國人：一張20 美圓秒票

 

中國人實際，不浪費錢，因為沒有太多來浪費。

意大利人浪漫，生活開心就好。

美國人，我就不說了。

為什麽我身在美國還是那麽向往歐洲，不言自明。

 

當然還有甜美可愛的home made水果蛋糕（由同樣甜美可愛的人做的），真情洋溢的卡片——電子的和紙做的，還有兩件還在路上的神秘禮物……

發現自己真是一個幸福的人。

Thank you my dear friends!! I love you all~~~

A big big hug *^_____^*

 

以前生日都覺得比較sad的，因為又老一歲了。可是這一次，我記得Giacomo對我說的：The number of candles on your birthday cake is not so important. The important thing is how old you feel yourself are.

You started something I just can't believe.

看完這部兩個半小時的電影，感覺像是看了一本需要兩三個月才能讀完的書。故事十分複雜，內涵非常豐富，影片幾個角色都有矛盾的性格和離奇的經歷。這是一部需要看好幾次的電影。

 

女主角（也許就是題目中的Queen吧）是開畫廊的商人。她不是精致型的漂亮，卻像一朵散發淡雅香氣的百合花一樣美麗。喜歡穿淡顔色（紅和黃）的毛衣和襯衫，用那種輕紗般的薄圍巾。

 

女主角說：我所愛的四個男人，兩個被我殺了。

 

第一個是她年輕時的男朋友。20歲不到懷上他的孩子，生活拮据，半夜兩人爭吵間手槍響了，男人倒地死亡。她穿著睡衣跑出門，在樓下呼救，卻喊不出聲音來，無助仿如夢境。導演沒有告訴我們究竟是不是她親手殺了他，這不重要，我們只要知道她的一生都在懷念這個男人就夠了。

 

她半夜跑回家，躺在床上對父親說出事了。滿臉皺紋的老父親聽完很淡定地說：這是意外。然後去幫她處理現場。第二天她坐在警察局，絕望地對父親說：手槍上有我的指紋。父親同樣淡定地說：我已經把所有的指紋都擦去了，這是意外。她瞪大眼睛看著父親。

 

一直愛著她的父親絕症末期，被肉體和精神的雙重折磨下不似人形。女兒不忍看著自尊心強的父親受苦，幫父親結束了生命。處理遺物的時候，讀到父親臨終前寫的隨筆。他描述自己如何從女兒一出生就過分地寵愛這個美麗的女兒，隨著女兒長大，她學會對所有男人使用自己的魅力。他這種Lolita式的愛到了無法解釋的地步，在他受病痛折磨的時候，竟然生出恨來：為什麽受苦的不是女兒你呢？為什麽不是我看著你死去呢？

 

她看完吃驚得說不出話來，把那幾頁撕下來藏在褲袋裏。幾天後在那個地方出現了瘀傷。

 

女主角所愛的第三個男人，是她的第二個丈夫。他可以說是半個瘋子。這個人會在6月份跑去探望妹妹，寫給她一張巨額支票，說是給她的聖誕禮物；被表哥陷害關進瘋人院，苦口婆心地跟美麗的女醫生（由一個非常有魅力的法國女演員客串，忘了名字）解釋自己不是瘋的，卻因為“Women don't have soul”這樣的蠢話而被關在瘋人院很長時間。他在裏面混得不錯。在那裏遇到一個學漢語的女孩（法語人覺得只有發瘋的女孩才去學漢語？），因為吸毒及五次企圖自殺而被關了進來。女孩很喜歡他，屢次誘惑他不成功。問他：是因為我太瘦了嗎？他笑笑搖頭。一天早上，女孩幫他取了早餐送進房間，看見他跟一個豐滿的女護士躺在一起。離開瘋人院的那一天，他發了瘋似地抱著女孩親吻，可是就那一次。

 

我很喜歡這個瘋狂的男人。他會認真地跟小孩子說充滿智慧的話，就像《小王子》裏那樣的話。他跟女主角的兒子說：我也不喜歡大人。其實內向也沒什麽不好的，你看Batman啦，還有彼得·潘啦，他們都是內向的角色嘛，沒有什麽不好的呀。還有其實犯錯誤是很好的事：它使你看到生命中有更多的可能性，讓你知道你不是總是對的，正因為這樣生命才更加有趣啊。如果什麽都像你想的那樣，多沒意思啊。……說這些話是因為小孩子不喜歡他的新爸爸——女主角的第三個丈夫，但“瘋子”又沒有能力去領養他，所以他教小孩子如何跟新爸爸和平相處。這個生活一塌糊塗的男人，跟小孩子說出來的話卻充滿了智慧。那些話足夠寫成一篇文章，大部分我已經記不清楚了。

 

我喜歡這個瘋狂的男人，因為il est un pau fou，因為他內向，還因為他聰明。像所有的藝術家一樣，他有時候自負得要命，有時候卻過分自卑。他明知道漢語女孩喜歡他，卻一直對人家不冷不熱。打電話給她，聽到她又自殺了一次，竟然還裝作線路不好把電話挂了。可是在她從瘋人院放出來之後，他突然有一天跑去找她。在一個中國人聚集的party找到她，非常狼狽地對她說他多麽愛她，說真對不起我什麽禮物都沒有，就把這個給你吧，然後就急著去脫手上的表。女孩看著他沒說話，然後問他：你要我做什麽呢？是不是要叫這些人回家去？然後兩個人就急急忙忙地脫身上的衣服，連門都不關……

 

女主角所愛的第四個男人，就是她跟她第一個男朋友生的兒子。她答應跟第三個丈夫結婚，但她並不愛他。他代表物質，代表安全，代表被愛，是典型的結婚對象，跟瘋男人形成鮮明對比。

 

看完一部好電影，就像從夢中剛醒來一樣，你不想說話，不想離開，動也不想動，只想坐在那裏回味夢境。

 

"We'll go to hell..."

"Then we can be together in hell. That's nice."

當一個錯誤被犯很多次，那實際上已經不是“錯誤”了。

那可能是你自身個性的矛盾，也可能是你價值觀跟外部社會價值觀的矛盾。

矛盾是永恒存在的東西。“錯誤”也無法避免。

惡夢逼我直面內心的恐懼。

酒精喚醒深藏的仇恨和傷痛，無法逃避。

I meant not to turn my Blog into a diary, but I guess today I have to write something about today.

 

It's been a long day, and I can't believe so many negative things can happen in the same day. First thing I spent a day and a half to prepare for this interview with a highly selective consulting firm, and it turned out to be a case interview which I didn't prepared for. I interviewed at 3:00pm and the guy called me at 7:00pm saying "It was very nice talking to you today, unfortunately, bla bla bla..."

 

I knew, I knew it took him less than 5 minutes to fingure out I was not intelligent enough to get in their tiny selective consulting firm made up by mostly PHD students working with only Fortune 100 companies. I started to think what it is -- if it's my intelligence then I probably have to change my strategy; if it's something else then I should take on this as pressure. Pressure, ain't I having enough as the end of the semester coming??

 

And then I went to a long meeting with my lovely Leadership class team. The meeting actually went well because my teammates are super nice and smart and funny. But, unfortunately, I have to say it again, when we were eating after the meeting, we went into this frustrating topic of how easily women could get old while their husbands were also getting old but in some way more attractive and going out with younger girls... it's sad to talk about but it's true. We are probably too smart thinking about this when we are still yound enough to attract young and old men -- sometimes you get sad easily because you're too smart. So as smart and attractive as us, should we go out with 40 year old men in order to make sure we won't be dumped some day?

 

Wait, that's not it yet. On the ride home at 11:40pm, we started this conversation on the value of HR. Why are we the best HR program of the US and the world but still constantly looked down upon by our business peers -- JGSM is by no means the best business school of the world so they're not even "counterparts"? Why are MILR program not valued? Why are HR people not valued? Why...the hell am I doing HR???

 

Am I just a stupid girl struggling for a job in the shitty function of the business who will get old soon and getting dumped by my "husband"-- if I by any chance had one?

 

She looked into his eyes, those killer eyes that she fell in love with. She wanted to kiss him, but she knew she couldn't, in the middle of the lobby in front of all these people. So she just waved and said good bye.

She went back to her room and called him on his cell phone. He said he just passed the hotel she stayed in last time.

"You remember?" He asked her.

"Yes, of course. And we went to the Italian restaurant. That was the beginning of the summer."

"Oh really."

"Yes, the beginning of the summer, the beginning of everything."

"The beginning of everything? Then it's very important."

"It's important for me, but not for you."

"...it's important for me too....."

 

They were both silent for a while, then she started to cry. Tears went down slowly and quietly....she didn't know why but she couldn't help.

 

She finally dropped the phone - it doesn't make sense to keep him on the phone not talking at all. But she suddenly feel the saddness deep down in her heart, the forgotten broken heart. She started crying out loud like crazy, like she had never cried before. But nobody knew this girl was crying so loud, because this was a very nice hotel and people did not know what was going on in the next room.

 

That was the beginning of the summer. Now in this cold winter everything had changed. It was nothing like before, except his smile. She was feeling so sad, because this was close to the end of the story, the end of everything - this was something neither of them wanted to say.