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2005/7/31
Dessert 1
1
He turned to his wife who was sleeping next to him like she did for the past 10 years.
" I married you because I had to. Not that I wanted to."
She didn't hear him. Because he just said that in his mind. She was sleeping so quietly
and peacefully. Like a bady. She was feeling safe about what she already had: a wonderful
husband, 3 lovely kids, and money. He earned lots of money.
He suddenly wanted to kiss her. I love her, he talked to himself, after so many years. And
then he went back to sleep. He didn't want to wake her up.
第二性
女性，是第二性。以下文字摘自西蒙·波伏娃的《第二性》。
結論
丈夫想通過妻子，情人想通過情婦，發現自己具有永久不變的偶像形式；他要用她去尋找他的男性氣質、他的主權地位、他的即刻實現的神話。……但他本人也是他的雙我的奴隸：要樹立使他充滿危險的形象是多麽費力啊！儘管他在所有方面都是成功的，這一形象也仍要取決於女人反復無常的自由：他必須時刻注意讓這一形象有利於自己。男人念念不忘讓自己顯得像個男性，顯得重要和優越；他是如此做作，以至於得到了做作的回報。
“做女人是多麽不幸啊！然而，當一個人身為女人時，其不幸還在於她實際上並沒有認識到這就是一種不幸。”
我們已經看到，她受到的教育的所有主要特徵，都聯合起來阻止她走上反抗和冒險的道路。社會通常（從受她尊重的父母開始）虛僞地向她讚美愛情、獻身、自我奉獻的崇高價值，進而向她隱瞞了這一事實，即無論是情人或丈夫，還是她的孩子，都不願意接受這一切沉重負擔。她之所以願意樂於相信這些謊言，是因為它們在誘使她走容易走的下坡路：在這方面其他人對她犯下了最嚴重的罪行；在她從小到現在的整個一生中，他們都把這種服從當做她的真正使命（這對每一個對自由感到焦慮的生存者都是很誘人的），以此去損害她，收買她。
女人不得不懂得了，交換（這是政治經濟學的基本法則）是以提供的商品對於買主而不是對於賣主所具有的價值為基礎的；而她卻認為自己有無限的價值，她受騙了。實際上，她對男人是一種娛樂、一種快活、一種次要的禮物；他對於她則是她生存的意義，她生存正當性的證明。所以，這種交換並不屬於等價交換。
這一不平等尤其表現在這一事實上，即他們所共同度過的時間，儘管看上去是等量的，實際上對於雙方卻有著不同的價值。在男人和他的情婦一起度過傍晚的時候，他可以去做對他的職業有利的事情，可以去看朋友，可以去培養業務關係，可以去謀求再創造；對一個通常被並入社會的男人來說，時間是一種積極的價值，意味著金錢、名譽和快樂。相反，對於懶散無聊的女人來說，時間卻是她希望加以擺脫的負擔；如果她能夠成功地把它給消磨掉，這對她是有益的，所以男人的出現會帶來足夠的好處。在許多情況下，男人之所以十分明顯地對私通感興趣，是因為他從中得到了性的利益：如果需要的話，他會情願和情婦呆在一起的時間與性行為所需要的時間一樣多；但是除了例外情況，就她而言，她所希望的卻是把她手頭上的多餘時間全部給打發掉；而且和除非顧客買蘿蔔否則就不賣給他土豆的店主一樣，她也是除非情人舍得花時間陪她談話和“出去”，否則就不會交出她自己的身體。如果在男人看來這種代價基本上不還算太高，便會達到平衡，而這當然要視他的欲望有多強和他認為要作出的犧牲有多大而定。
但是，如果女人所要求或獻出的時間太多，她就會像溢出河岸的河水那樣只會起到侵犯作用，這時男人會寧肯什麽也得不到，也不願意要得太多。於是她會降低自己的要求，但達到平衡常以雙方的緊張為代價，因為她會覺得男人廉價地“占有”了她，而他則會認為她的要價太高。
指責和辯解依舊無濟於事，因為正義絕不可能在非正義中實現。殖民地官員絕無可能公正對待土著人，同樣將軍也絕無可能公正對待他的士兵；唯一的解決辦法就是不去做殖民者，不去做軍事首領；但男人不可能不做男人；於是，一方面，他不知不覺地處於該受指責的地位，對其實並不是他的錯誤所造成的後果深感苦惱；而另一方面，她則在不知不覺當中變成了受害者和潑婦。有時他會反抗，變得殘酷無情，但那樣他會讓自己變成非正義的同謀，那種錯誤就會真的屬於他。有時他會讓自己被那個苛求的受害者給消滅掉，給吞噬掉；但那時他又會感到受愚弄。他往往只好妥協，而這妥協既讓他受到貶低，又讓他心神不寧。一個性情溫和的男人，會受到這種處境而不是受到女人本人的折磨，所以在某種意義上，被征服者的一方反倒要好一些；但如果她也性情溫和，既不能自立又不願意用她的沉重命運去壓垮男人，那麽她就會在無望的混亂中掙扎。
在日常生活中，我們會碰到很多這樣的情況，它們由於取決於討厭的環境，無法得到滿意的解決。一個男人若是被迫在物質上和精神上資助他不再去愛的女人，便會覺得自己是個受害者；但他若將一個把一生都抵押給他的女人徹底抛棄，她就會成為受到不公正對等的受害者。這種不幸並不是始於個人墮落（當一方指責另一方時，無誠意就已經出現了），寧可說是始於個人在其面前無能為力的處境。女人是“纏人的”，她們完全是個負擔，她們因此而受罰；問題的實質在於，她們的處境同吸吮另一個機體的有生力量的寄生蟲的處境毫無二致。讓她們有自己的有生力量吧，讓她們有向世界進攻並奪回她們自己本質的手段吧！
實際上，和女人一樣，男人也是肉體，因而他也是被動的，也是他的荷爾蒙以及物種的玩物，也是被欲望弄得坐臥不安的獵物。和他一樣，在肉欲的高度興奮當中，她也是一個自動同意的人、自願奉獻的人、主動的人；他們都以自己的某些方式經歷了化為身體的那種陌生而又曖昧的生存。在他們認為相互對抗的那些鬥爭中，實際上每一方都在同自我作鬥爭，都在把自己所厭惡的那部分自我投射到對方當中；每一方都不是在體驗他們處境的曖昧性，而是在想讓對方容忍那可憐的地位，把尊嚴留給自我。然而，如果雙方都以節制態度去接受這種曖昧性，相互都保持真正的自尊，他們就會彼此視為平等的人，就會和睦地去體驗他們的性愛戲劇。和使人們相互區別的一切特質相比，我們都是人這個事實有著無限的重要性。
2005/7/29
储存记忆
給自己做了一張MD叫做“火車上的夏天”。每天只要走出家門就不停地不停地聽。
最喜歡的是站在鐵軌旁邊，聽著音樂看火車呼嘯著進站出站。對面站台的人換了一遍又一遍，墨鏡後面的眼神總是遊離的。
看火車永遠也不會生厭，可是音樂卻是在短期内邊際效益遞減的。我還是很野蠻地聽，堅持地糟蹋我很喜歡的歌。因為我要把這個夏天的所有回忆都封到這張MD裏面。等到了Ithaca某個寒冷的冬天，太陽下山自己一個人快要撐不住的時候，可以拿出來聽。然後就又會看到Greenwich刺眼的陽光，吹到Stamford傍晚的風，聽到火車進站的聲音還有鐵軌被太陽爆曬之後發出的那種味道。希望可以把自己此時此刻的心情，儲存到那張小小的MD裏面。
現在很少用那瓶叫做Azzura的香水，因為一打開，就聞到去年冬天Ithaca的味道。那種沉重、寂靜和寒冷，實在不應該出現在Connecticut的夏天。不應該出現在任何時候！
音樂裏面的回憶，像空氣中的香水一樣，終究會隨著時間的流走而漸漸消散。這是我不願看到的悲哀之一。我仿佛是活在過去和將來，唯獨不在現在。
我不知道這個夏天的這盒“香水”可以存留多久。不過我想它應該可以像D&G的Light Blue一樣，留在衣服上洗很多次都不會消失。這短短的幾個月，也許比這過去一年都要來得記憶深刻。
2005/7/28
花心
這個世界到處充滿了矛盾。
——“ “花心”是男人爱美之心的表现，“花心”应该是对女性最高的迎合和奉承，一个喜欢女人的男人，才会体谅到女人的感受，才会爱护女人，承让女人，“花心”的男人可以包容女人的缺点，抬高女人的优点。而要想男人不花心，则要靠成为男人妻子后的女人好好经营。”
注定要打光棍的36种男人
男生朋友們注意了。哈哈哈~~~第24、25條，笑死我了。
注定要打光棍的36种男人
1、风流自赏，频繁暗示他本人各方面条件极佳，看上你是天上掉热馅饼，呼吁你一定诚惶诚恐好生张嘴接着--我的反应是：余南方人也，不喜面食。
2、骑驴找马--永远身边有一“深爱我但我不太动心”的女孩，永远在继续寻找真爱。
3、贬低历任女友，或面露得意之色宣称：我的初恋情人曾为我自杀过嗳--未遂。
4、沾沾自喜汇报月薪几位数、衬衣多少钱一件、圣诞节到哪里滑雪、刚加入某超级贵族无敌高尔夫俱乐部、下个月准备在中东盘一油田、阿拉斯加建一冰库……吾友潺潺小姐的反应是：闭嘴！看戏(他们当时在小剧场)！散场自己走--你要敢说明年造航母我立马就报警说你耍流氓！
5、雨天开车不顾路旁艰难行走之妇孺，不减速、不绕行、不挥手示意行人先过而昂然溅人一身泥汤。
6、用酒店的窗帘或面巾擦皮鞋，离店时电灯、电视、电脑、水龙头一个都不关--按说这种人表现太差根本就不值一列，但前不久我采访的一位海外归来、卓有名气、照片登在若干女性杂志封面上、一口一个no problem的ceo就这风采。
7、记不清自己父母家的电话号码，或拎起话筒即以大爷或外交官口吻质问：“今晚吃什么？”
8、见你第二面叫你宝贝。
9、见你第三十分钟即盛赞你的腿为他今生所见的腿中最性感的一双，哦不，两条。吾友雪儿的回答：见得太少了您。并建议他买一桶扎啤于三伏天蹲在红绿灯儿下面马路牙子上好好看一天，省的少见多怪，丢人现眼。
10、闲谈尽是：他办公室的女孩谁腰太粗、谁斗鸡眼、谁品位太差老在小摊买衣服、谁好像和头儿关系不一般、谁无故请假一周不知是否去做人工流产……
11、偷办公室的稿纸回家。
12、人穷志短马瘦毛长，一喝酒就慨叹人生无趣、怀才不遇、主任给他小鞋穿。
13、年过三十仍留小辫、穿补丁牛仔扮青年艺术家状。
14、以当代贾宝玉或青年李嘉诚或中年版f4自居。
15、告诉你他喜欢你他的老婆不明白他……是的，要是明白早在您老豆浆里下砒霜了。
16、告诉你他喜欢你但他可能离不了婚所以想和你一生都做最好、最好、最好的好朋友……甭废话，直接拿大嘴巴抽他。
17、钱包里掉出安全套！
18、问：你一个月赚多少钱、怎么这么年轻买得起市中心四室两厅、是分期付款吗……相信我，结婚以后他会跟踪你上下班并给你的客户打匿名电话。
19、跟你借钱。
20、迟到。
21、手机常常、不定时、无故关机——民航飞行员除外。
22、每次接过电话立刻以手势示意你噤声，或马上溜到洗手间并随手关上门。建议：突然大唱革命或黄色歌曲、或把他轻轻反锁在洗手间里然后飘然离去。
23、浴室中的化妆洗涤用品比你还多--若无缘得进其浴室，则身上香水过浓、头上摩丝湿淋淋如落水狗、领带鲜艳如嘉年华会侍者、夏天穿白衬衣内用乳贴、大陆青年说话像港台人士：一口一个“我们男僧好喜番攀岩爬三哎”。
24、穿一身假名牌，洋洋自得。
25、穿一身真名牌，洋洋自得。
26、知道一切内幕、原理、玄机。答话以不字开头。
27、时常冷笑。
28、他不会换保险丝、轮胎，但声称他的秘书和司机会换--指责你不会做满汉全席，他妈就会。
29、已经不是中学生，但要和你aa制。还有乘公车时示意你坐他腿上，或者你站他坐。(你愿意为这样的人怀胎十月生孩子、洗衣做饭50年？)
30、深夜约会完毕问你可否一人搭车回家——而他并没有突发阑尾炎、妈妈医院报病危、公司大楼失火。
31、记不住你的生日就算了，但他居然记错。
32、不是数学家、哲学家、物理学家和脑震荡后遗症患者，但你问他现在几点钟他说在上衣口袋里。
33、貌似无心、拐弯抹角问你如果婚后发现老公有婚外恋、一夜情会怎么办——“但他还是爱你的，还会回来的呦”——吾友阿眉叮一声把小银匙扔在冰激凌盘里俯身盯住他的小眼睛一字一顿微笑低语：“……阉了他”。
34、电话本上一连串密码似的名字而他并不在中情局、fbi就职。
35、认识一年以上你屡次请他周末同到父母家吃个便饭均婉言谢绝。
36、同一个问题(如你幼儿园在哪儿上的？)问过你三遍，或问完一个问题不等回答即问下一个--他根本不是真想知道，所以你也根本不必好好回答。
千龙新闻网伊氏
2005/7/23
The Alchemist -- My Reading Report 3
The Alchemist
-- A Fable about Following Your Dream
Paulo Coelho
(This is another thought-provoking book I read recently. It is about the journey of a
shepherd in pursuit of his treasure. Interesting, thoughtful, and easy to understand. I
agreed with many things in the book and I want myself to remember them. So I typed them up
and added my comments as shown in Italian fronts. )
P106
He knew that any given thing on the face of the earth could reveal the history of all
things. One could open a book to any page, or look at a person’s hand; one could turn a
card, or watch the flight of the birds… whatever the thing observed, one could find a
connection with his experience of the moment. Actually, it wasn’t that those things, in
themselves, revealed anything at all; it was just that people, looking at what was
occurring around them, could find a means of penetration to the Soul of the World.
P107
The tribesmen preferred the taste of battle, and the thrill of not knowing what the
outcome would be. … so the tribesmen lived only for the present, because the present was
full of surprises, and they had to be aware of many thing.
… Then, one day, the oldest seer he had ever sought out (and the one most to be feared)
had asked why the camel driver was so interested in the future.
“Well…so I can do things,” he had responded. “And so I can change those things that I
don’t want to happen.”
“But then they wouldn’t be a part of your future,” the seer had said.
“Well, maybe I just want to know the future so I can prepare myself for what’s coming.”
“If good things are coming, they will be a pleasant surprise,” said the seer. “If bad
things are, and you know in advance, you will suffer greatly before they even occur.”
“I want to know about the future because I’m a man,” the camel driver had said to the
seer. “And men always live their lives based on the future.”
…
“I make my living forecasting the future for people,” he said. “I know the science of
the twigs, and I know how to use them to penetrate to the place where all is written.
There, I can read the past, discover what has already been forgotten, and understand the
omens that are here in the present.
“When people consult me, it’s not that I’m reading the future; I am guessing at the
future. The future belongs to God, and it is only he who reveals it, under extraordinary
circumstances. How do I guess at the future? Based on the omens of the present. The secret
is here in the present. If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it. And,
if you improve on the present, what comes later will also be better. Forget about the
future, and live each day according to the teachings, confident that God loves his
children. Each day, in itself, brings with it an eternity.”
The camel driver had asked what the circumstance were under which God would allow him to
see the future.
“Only when he, himself, reveals it. And God only rarely reveals the future. When he does
so, it is for only one reason: it’s a future that was written so as to be altered.”
You always know when you have to change.
P114
Every day was there to be lived or to mark one’s departure from this world.
P125
“Well, what if I decide to stay?”
“Let me tell you what will happen. You’ll be the counselor of the oasis. You have enough
gold to buy many sheep and many camels. You’ll marry Fatima, and you’ll both be happy
for a year. You’ll learn to love the desert, and you’ll get to know every one of the
fifty thousand palms. You’ll watch them as they grow, demonstrating how the world is
always changing. And you’ll get better and better at understanding omens, because the
desert is the best teacher there is.
“Sometime during the second year, you’ll remember about the treasure. The omens will
begin insistently to speak of it, and you’ll try to ignore them. You’ll use your
knowledge for the welfare of oasis and its inhabitants. The tribal chieftains will
appreciate what you do. And your camels will bring you wealth and power.
“During the third year, the omens will continue to speak of your treasure and your
destiny. You’ll walk around, night after night, at the oasis, and Fatima will be unhappy
because she’ll feel it was she who interrupted your quest. But you will love her, and she
’ll return your love. You’ll remember that she never asked you to stay, because a woman
of the desert knows that she must await her man. So you won’t blame her. But many times
you’ll walk the sands of the desert, thinking that maybe you could have left… that you
could have trusted more in your love for Fatima. Because what kept you at the oasis was
your own fear that you might never come back. At that point, the omens will tell you that
your treasure is buried forever.
“Then, sometimes during the fourth year, the omens will abandon you, because you’ve
stopped listening to them. The tribal chieftains will see that, and you’ll be dismissed
from your position as counselor. But, by then, you’ll be a rich merchant, with many
camels and a great deal of merchandise. You’ll spend the rest of your days knowing that
you didn’t pursue your destiny, and that now it’s too late.
“You must understand that love never keeps a man from pursuing his destiny. If he
abandons that pursuit, it’s because it wasn’t true love… the love that speaks the
Language of the World.”
When one steps into the phase of their life where he has almost everything: family,
career, wealth and confidence, he loses one thing: the ability to venture. He has too much
to lose. Versus when one doesn’t have anything, he is free to try different things,
because he has nothing to lose.
P129
“You’re crying?”
“I’m a woman of the desert,” she said, averting her face. “But above all, I’m a
woman.”
From that day on, the oasis would be an empty place for her.
From that day on, it was the desert that would be important. She would look to it every
day, and would try to guess which star the boy was following in search of his treasure.
She would have to send her kisses on the wind, hoping that the wind would touch the boy’s
face, and would tell him that she was alive. That she was waiting for him, a woman
awaiting a courageous man in search of his treasure. From that day on, the desert would
represent only one thing to her: the hope for his return.
P130
“If what one finds is made of pure matter, it will never spoil. And one can always come
back. If what you had found was only a moment of light, like the explosion of a star, you
would find nothing on your return.”
P132
They were seeking the treasure of their destiny, without wanting actually to live out the
destiny.
P136
“People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don
’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, become
fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could have
been good but weren’t, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden
in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly.”
“The fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.”
P138
“Why don’t people’s hearts tell them to continue to follow their dreams?”
“Because that’s what makes a heart suffer most.”
Your treasure is buried in the place where you started, but you will never find it unless
you go through the whole journey. I know I will ultimately go back to where I was, but it
doesn’t mean that I will be equally happy if I stayed in one place and avoided all this
hassle of traveling around. It is the process that makes life different. The greatest
treasure is the journey of finding it.
I have been enjoying learning the Language of the World. I am not sure I understand what
it is, but I enjoy reading books, people’s behavior and mind, true or fictional stories,
things happened everyday… They often tell me the universal truths that are revealed many
times in different manners. I believe the purer it is, the more universal it is.
The Alchemist -- My Reading Report 2
The Alchemist
-- A Fable about Following Your Dream
Paulo Coelho
(This is another thought-provoking book I read recently. It is about the journey of a
shepherd in pursuit of his treasure. Interesting, thoughtful, and easy to understand. I
agreed with many things in the book and I want myself to remember them. So I typed them up
and added my comments as shown in Italian fronts. )
P87
“Everyone has his or her own way of learning things,” he said to himself. “His way isn
’t the same as mine, nor mine as his. But we’re both in search of our destinies, and I
respect him for that.”
It’s important to be aware of your way of learning things. I think I shouldn’t call my
spending time on things other than study a waste of time, because that’s my way of
learning about the world, learning “the Language of the World”. I have learnt so much by
observing other people, chatting with my friends, or just daydreaming… maybe those things
are also important.
P88
“I’m alive,” he said to the boy, as they ate a bunch of dates one night, with no fires
and no moon. “When I’m eating, that’s all I think about. If I’m on the march, I just
concentrate on marching. If I have to fight, it will be just as good a day to die as any
other.
“Because I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the
present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. You’ll see
that there is life in the desert, that there are stars in the heavens, and that tribesmen
fight because they are part of the human race. Life will be a party for you, a grand
festival, because life is the moment we’re living right now.”
P91
He had only one explanation for this fact: things have to be transmitted this way because
they were made up from the pure life, and this kind of life cannot be captured in pictures
or words.
Because people become fascinated with pictures and words, and wind up forgetting the
language of the world.
Pictures and words are way too powerful in this age. Everyday we are moving faster, and we
have to. Because you have to be faster than others in order to sell your products, deliver
them to the customer and get their money. Because we are in a business-dominated world.
The fastest and most eye-catching way to deliver message would be picture. That’s why
cities are polluted by huge commercial posters. In order to attract people’s attention,
messages have to be easy to understand and catered to the masses’ common needs, in
another word, superficial. That’s what I don’t like about marketing…
It’s so easy to be lost in this materialistic world. People don’t realize they can live
on just a few things and they keep spending time, energy and money on the things they don
’t really need, because the businesses are very good at marketing, making people feel
like to spend money. The more they spend on things, the less on thoughts.
Honestly speaking, I’m a materialist to some extent.
P97
At that moment, it seemed to him that time stood still, and the soul of the World surged
within him. When he looked into her dark eyes, and saw that her lips were poised between a
laugh and silence, he learned the most important part of the language that all the world
spoke – the language that everyone on earth was capable of understanding in their heart.
It was love. Something older than humanity, more ancient than the desert. Something that
exerted the same force whenever two pairs of eyes met, as had theirs here at the well. She
smiled , and that was certainly an omen – the omen he had been awaiting, without even
knowing he was, for all his life. The omen he had sought to find with his sheep and in his
books, in the crystals and in the silence of the desert.
It was the pure Language of the World. It required no explanation, just as the universe
needs none as it travels through endless time. What the boy felt at that moment was that
he was in the presence of the only woman in his life, and that, with no need for words,
she recognized the same thing. He was more certain of it than of anything in the world. He
had been told by his parents and grandparents that he must fall in love and really know a
person before becoming committed. But maybe people who felt that way had never learned the
universal language. Because, when you know that language, it’s easy to understand that
someone in the world awaits you, whether it’s in the middle of the desert or in some
great city. And when two such people encounter each other, and their eyes meet, the past
and the future become unimportant. There is only that moment, and the incredible certainty
that everything under the sun has been written by one hand only. It is the hand that
evokes love, and creates a twin soul for every person in the world. Without such love, one
’s dreams would have no meaning.
… And the boy sat there by the well for a long time, remembering that one day in Tarifa
the levanter had brought to him the perfume of that woman, and realizing that he had loved
her before he even knew she existed. He knew that his love for her would enable him to
discover every treasure in the world.
What a romantic love story. Too romantic to be true. Although I don’t trust love at first
sight, I tend to realize at the first times I met a guy that I like him, or he like/will
like me. I think it’s just easy for me to identify the people that are similar to me by
sensing.
P101
“The day after we met,” Fatima said, “you told me that you loved me. Then, you taught
me something of the universal language and the Soul of the World. Because of that, I have
become a part of you.
“… I have been waiting for you here at this oasis for a long time. I have forgotten
about my past, about my traditions, and the way in which men of the desert expect women to
behave. Ever since I was a child, I have dreamed that the desert would bring me a
wonderful present. Now, my present has arrived, and it’s you.
“… You have told me about your dreams, about the old king and your treasure. And you’ve
told me about omens. So now, I fear nothing, because it was those omens that brought you
to me. And I am a part of your dream, a part of your destiny, as you call it.
“That’s why I want you to continue toward your goal. If you have to wait until the war
is over, then wait. But if you have to go before then, go on in pursuit of your dream. The
dunes are changed by the wind, but the desert never changes. That’s the way it will be
with our love for each other.
“Maktub,” she said. “If I am really a part of your dream, you’ll come back one day.”
The boy was sad as he left her that day. He thought of all the married shepherds he had
known. They had a difficult time convincing their wives that they had to go off into
distant fields. Love required them to stay with the people they loved.
He told Fatima that, at their next meeting.
“The desert takes our men from us, and they don’t always return,” she said. “We know
that, and we are used to it. Those who don’t return become a part of the clouds, a part
of the animals that hide in the ravines and of the water that comes from the earth. They
become a part of everything… they become the Soul of the World.
“Some do come back. And then the other women are happy because they believe that their
men may one day return, as well. I used to look at those women and envy them their
happiness. Now, I too will be one of the women who wait.
“I’m a desert woman, and I’m proud of that. I want my husband to wander as free as the
wind that shapes the dunes. And, if I have to, I will accept the fact that he has become a
part of the clouds, and the animals and the water of the desert.”
…
He wandered for a while, keeping the date palms of the oasis within sight. He listened to
the wind, and felt the stones beneath his feet. Here and there, he found a shell, and
realized that the desert, in remote times, had been a sea. He sat on a stone, and allowed
himself to become hypnotized by the horizon. He tried to deal with the concept of love as
distinct from possession, and couldn’t separate them. But Fatima was a woman of the
desert, and, if anything could help him to understand, it was the desert.
Is there love without possession? It depends on how you define possession. Here I think
the shepherd actually “possesses” Fatima ever since he found out she loves him. She is
going to wait for him everyday, thinking of him and dreaming about him – he owns her. In
my opinion, the most powerful possession is in the mind, not physically.
I wonder whether it is still “love” if you don’t want to “possess” someone. To love
is to merge two into one, as different from friendship, which is to parallel with each
other. It has been hard for me to separate love from friendship though…
The Alchemist -- My Reading Report 1
The Alchemist
-- A Fable about Following Your Dream
Paulo Coelho
(This is another thought-provoking book I read recently. I agreed with many things in the
book and I want myself to remember them. So I typed them up and added my comments as shown
in Italian fronts. )
P6
He recognized that he was feeling something he had never experienced before: the desire to
live in one place forever. With the girl with the raven hair, his days would never be the
same again.
… And he knew that shepherds, like seamen and like traveling salesmen, always found a
town where there was someone who could make them forget the joys of carefree wandering.
P10
The boy could see in his father’s gaze a desire to be able, himself, to travel the world
– a desire that was still alive, despite his father’s having had to bury it, over dozens
of years, under the burden of struggling for water to drink, food to eat, and the same
place to sleep every night of his life.
I saw the same thing in my father’s eyes for so many times. In a way my life is the
continuity of my father’s. I’m glad I love to travel too.
P11
It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting, he thought.
I always believe that people who don’t have dreams are not really living. But sometimes
when I told people my dreams, they laughed at me – they told me I was puerile, that I
hadn’t grown up yet, meaning that you’re not supposed to dream if you’re mature enough.
I think these people are pathetic – they lost the ability to dream, and deep in heart
they’re afraid of seeing others trying to live out their dreams. They don’t deserve to
listen to other people’s dreams. If it is true that you’re not supposed to dream when
you’re mature, I would rather to stay childlike forever.
P15
“It’s the simple things in life that are the most extraordinary; only wise men are able
to understand them. And since I am not wise, I have had to learn other arts, such as the
reading of palms.”
The most extraordinary are the simplest. That’s why I always try to keep a childish mind.
In my opinion it’s the happiest thing to observe and live with a simple mind. Always
believe, be surprised, ready to be happy. I laugh whenever I think of or see something
funny, most of the time by myself (it will be good if someone could share with me, but it
’s hard to find the one). Sometimes it embarrasses me when I laugh where you’re not
supposed to laugh – like in meetings… I don’t understand why people can be so serious!
Maybe as a trade-off, I have to experience sadness many times more than other people do.
My mood changes so frequently and so distinctly that sometimes I worry I will get crazy
someday. Maybe I’m already crazy…
By the same token, the best skill is no skill. People will know in the end no matter what
skills you are using, but they will trust you when they find out you are always acting out
of your heart. The purpose of learning so many skills is to abandon them all in the end.
P16
That was what made traveling appeal to him – he always made new friends, and he didn’t
need to spend all of his time with them. When someone sees the same people every day, as
had happen with him at the seminary, they wind up becoming a part of that person’s life.
And then they want the person to change. If someone isn’t what others want them to be,
the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should
lead their lives, but none about his or her own.
It is true that friends have a significant influence on people. But isn’t you the one who
choose your friends? I like all my friends very much, because that’s why I get close to
them. I tend to identify the ones I am attracted to at the very first time I meet them,
and then I will be very confident that I can make them like me and then we will become
friends, or more than that. But with the ones I don’t like, there is not motivation for
me to approach them. That’s why most people think I’m too quite, serious and boring,
because they’re not able to understand me.
P18
“It’s a book that says the same thing almost all the other books in the world say,”
continued the old man. “It describes people’s inability to choose their own destinies.
And it ends up saying that everyone believes the world’s greatest lie.”
“What’s the world’s greatest lie?” the boy asked, completely surprised.
“It’s this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening
to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the world’s greatest lie.”
P23
“The Soul of the World is nourished by people’s happiness. And also by unhappiness,
envy, and jealousy. To realize one’s destiny is a person’s only real obligation. All
things are one.”
“When he was a child, that man wanted to travel, too. But he decided first to buy his
bakery and put some money aside. When he’s an old man, he’s going to spend a month in
Africa. He never realized that people are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing
what they dream of.”
“He should have decided to become a shepherd,” the boy said.
“Well, he thought about that,” the old man said. “But bakers are more important people
than shepherds. Bakers have homes, while shepherds sleep out in the open. Parents would
rather see their children marry bakers than shepherds.”
Isn’t it too often the case of most of the people in this world? We are educated directly
or indirectly to be successful in the ways that the society recognizes, so intense that it
makes us lose the courage to risk the wealth, reputation, and stability that this society
promises to us. Dreams too often end up as regret, or being forgotten. But the worse thing
is, after people give up their dreams, it still hurts for them to see the fact or
possibility that other people realize their dreams, so they make up lessons on what is
“possible” and what is “impossible” in this world, and that “wise” people are not
supposed to try the “impossible”.
P28
He had to choose between something he had become accustomed to and something he wanted to
have.
…when each day is the same as the next, it’s because people fail to recognize the good
things that happen in their lives every day that the sun rises.
P34
“The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never to forget the
drops of oil on the spoon.”
A shepherd may like to travel, but he should never forget about his sheep.
I didn’t expect the ending when I read the story – I didn’t think the drop of oil would
be equally important as the marvels of the world. If I get to see all the wonders in the
world I wouldn’t care the oil any more. I think that explains a lot about my “problem”
– I always forget the drop of oil. Maybe that’s what makes me unhappy...
P44
…he realized that he had to choose between thinking of himself as the poor victim of a
thief and as an adventurer in quest of his treasure. “I’m an adventurer, looking for
treasure,” he said to himself.
It is amazing to see how much the way you think of yourself can change yourself, your
perceptions of the world, and people’s perceptions of you! It takes a second to change
your mind, and the whole world is different. Oftentimes it’s you who decide who you are.
P45
The candy seller had a smile on his face: he was happy, aware of what his life was about,
and ready to begin a day’s work… “This candy merchant isn’t making candy so that later
he can travel or marry a shopkeeper’s daughter. He’s doing it because it’s what he
wants to do,” thought the boy.
P49
There was a moment of silence so profound that it seemed the city was asleep. No sound
from the bazaars, no arguments among the merchants, no men climbing to the towers to
chant. No hope, no adventure, no old kings or destinies, no treasure, and no Pyramids. It
was as if the world had fallen silent because the boy’s soul had. He sat there, staring
blankly through the door of the café, wishing that he had died, and that everything would
end forever at that moment.
P67
I know why I want to get back to my flock, he thought. I understand sheep; they’re no
longer a problem, and they can be good friends. On the other hand, I don’t know if the
desert can be a friend, and it’s in the desert that I have to search for my treasure. If
I don’t find it, I can always go home. I finally have enough money, and all the time
need. Why not?
In my sophomore year when I told my friend I would study abroad, she told me that the
world outside might not be as great as I thought, and that I should learnt to appreciate
what I already had. I told her I didn’t decide to leave this country because I thought it
’s not as good as others, that I understood people always overestimated what they didn’t
have, that I would be tortured by regret if I didn’t try it out, and only by leaving what
I had here, I would understand better my love for these people and this country.
I think oftentimes love is spoiled because people keep sticking with each other. They are
so distracted by the trivia that they forget the important things. And I also believe that
in order to know a person better, we need distance as well as time. I would like to keep
“leaving” if I could, travel to as many different places as I can. Friendship and love,
for me, are life long.
P71
… making decision was only the beginning of things. When someone makes a decision, he is
really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of
when he first made the decision.
P74
“The desert is a capricious lady, and sometimes she drives men crazy.”
P87
“Everyone has his or her own way of learning things,” he said to himself. “His way isn
’t the same as mine, nor mine as his. But we’re both in search of our destinies, and I
respect him for that.”
It’s important to be aware of your way of learning things. I think I shouldn’t call my
spending time on things other than study a waste of time, because that’s my way of
learning about the world, learning “the Language of the World”. I have learnt so much by
observing other people, chatting with my friends, or just daydreaming… maybe those things
are also important.
P88
“I’m alive,” he said to the boy, as they ate a bunch of dates one night, with no fires
and no moon. “When I’m eating, that’s all I think about. If I’m on the march, I just
concentrate on marching. If I have to fight, it will be just as good a day to die as any
other.
“Because I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the
present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. You’ll see
that there is life in the desert, that there are stars in the heavens, and that tribesmen
fight because they are part of the human race. Life will be a party for you, a grand
festival, because life is the moment we’re living right now.”
2005/7/10
Little Prince's Rose
"You're the kind of man who is constantly in need of struggle, conquest," she tells him.
"Leave, then. Leave."
So off he went, on flights that often ended in crashes while she waited anxiously (but
seldom patiently)--until he vanished for good during a wartime reconnaissance mission in
Feminism in Almaz's dictionary
Actually I'm not sure I understand feminism either, but at least after reading the book I
realized what I thought was wrong. When I was in high school my guy friends portraited
feminists as weird masculine women, and I think men didn't like it, and deep in heart they
were afraid of it. They thought these women just wanted to grab what men had by pretending
they were equal to men. They said women were so much weaker than men, how could they have
as much power as men?
The first phase of the movement is to prove that women are, at least in most of the time,
equal to men, in order to gain social and political rights (like voting rights) for women.
But this quickly went into an extreme where women had to be exactly the same as men in
every aspect -- their body, their style, their jobs... It proved to be a failure because
it is impossible for women to be exactly the same as men -- they are different. And they
were still using men as the standard, which suggests the essential inequity. In the second
phase they began to emphasize the difference bewteen men and women, but some people also
went into extreme
to focus on the sensual attraction of women. Feminism developed to be complicated later
on and mixed with lesbianism. There's a joke that if you study feminism in college in the
US people would think you are a lesbian.
The kind of "feminism" that I would advocate is that men and women are different, but
neither one of them is better/worse than the other. Simone de Beauvoir's "Le deuxieme
sexe" (I know you can read French) came out in the first phase, and is known as the bible
of feminism. I expected to read lots of radical theories on how women could be the same as
if not better than men, but to my surprise, she talks about how women are born
differently and how their roles on the earth are different, from long long time ago. I
only finished reading the first volume which is supposed to be more boring and harder to
understand but I still found it very interesting
to me. Now I want to read the second part of it (but the book is in China).
I think that also helped me understand my role as a woman. For example, it describes women
as "material". They are constantly limited by their weak body and men are happy to see
that, so in order to please men, women wear unnecessary accessories (like high-heel shoes)
to further restrict themselves, to appear helpless. On the other hand, it describes men as
"spiritual" in that men are always supposed to exceed their shell -- their own body, and
they are often able to do so. Men are appreciated based on their internal virtue, versus
women external beauty. But the sad thing about men is that they can't always controled
their body. Oftentimes they are defeated by women's magic power -- women is men's
weakness. Men are so scared by this power that they evilize women as mysterious witches
like Siren and Medusa -- men will be killed by just listening to/looking at women. Women
give men their lives, but they can also destroy men's lives. The relationship between men
and women is like that of human beings and the nature -- human think they can conquer
nature, but they are too arrogant. That's why the nature is always described as a woman
and men the main body of human beings.
2005/7/8
Almaz語錄10——痛快
痛快就是pain and fast，也就是說“快速的痛就會很爽”？（這個不是SM站點！%^&*_+#@$）不過白岩
松的《痛並快樂著》提醒我“快”是“快樂”的意思。這樣的話似乎倒過來才比較合理：痛快是那種“
快樂之後難免痛苦”的感覺——比如吃辣椒。可是在《痛快》這首歌裏面卻是另外一種意思：對盡情享
受生命的人來說就算痛苦也是一種快樂。我比較喜歡這個解釋。
生命安排什麽我就感謝什麽
痛快
s.h.e
encore
痛快去愛痛快去痛
痛快去悲傷痛快去感動
生命給了什麼我就享受什麼
每顆人間煙火全都不要錯過
每一天都是一個節慶
每件事都發生來豐富我的記憶
很好奇還有誰等著闖進我日記
歡迎光臨親愛的請享用我的感情
痛快去愛痛快去痛
痛快去悲傷痛快去感動
生命給了什麼我就享受什麼
每顆人間煙火全都不要錯過
痛快去感受
笑與哭都值得用力氣
吻和淚都是該裱框紀念的痕跡
很樂意每段路都有陌生人同行
愛或傷害都歡呼都是活過的證據
豔陽暴雨不要客氣
請一直澎湃我熱切的血液
我活著的目的就是活得鮮明
痛快迎接痛快等候
痛快去試探痛快去觸碰
生命安排什麼我就感謝什麼
每顆人間煙火全都美麗了我
2005/7/6
火車上的夏天
Greenwich的夏天，總是被太陽曬得發白。街道兩旁寫字樓上的玻璃反射著強光，映著穿乾淨襯衣和黑皮鞋匆匆走過的年輕男人和踩著高跟鞋畫著黑眼圈的年輕女人。他們就連說話的方式也要跟outfit 相配似的。
Stamford的夏天，是那間有6塊錢晚餐和溫和的waitress的西臘餐廳，是周末戴著墨鏡坐在街邊餐桌旁悠閒地看著狹窄馬路上擁擠交通的人，是傍晚吹過的混有香水味和體味的微風，是憂鬱而偉大的與恐懼和仇恨共處的Batman。
閃著金光的Greenwich和塗滿紅褐色的Stamford中間，由呼嘯而過的火車連接。帶著一本書，我在清晨告別Stamford，黃昏離開Greenwich，坐著火車穿過夏天。
這個夏天過了一半的時候，我除了學會了像分秒必爭的New Yorkers一樣在等火車/汽車時及在車上看書外，還學會了像New Yorkers一樣以急急的腳步穿過人流，對旁邊奇裝異服的人視若無睹。
學會了對幫我拉門的人說 thank you，然後幫後面的人把門拉住，嘴角帶著似笑非笑剛好到位的表情。
學會了在給別人電話留言的時候急促地說出please give me a call back okay thank you very much bye bye，然後在十分之一秒內砰一聲地放下電話。
學會了識別什麽時候應該快速地問老板問題，完了不說半句廢話離開辦公室，什麽時候應該坐下來跟他閑聊。
學會了不去計效自己犯的可笑的錯誤，因為親耳聽見legal department的VP（senior attorney高級律師）在開會時說得罪人的話。
學會了在餐廳半分鐘的搭訕和閑聊比打兩次熱線加上2個星期的等待更有效——那些沒有效率的
technical support guys啊，原來就坐在隔壁。
可是卻沒有學會如何在開會時不要走神，在午飯過後不要打瞌睡，在發言的時候不要緊張，在別人開玩笑的時候大聲地笑和在別人沒開玩笑時不要笑，在坐火車、走路、聽MD、看書、做飯、一個人發呆以及任何其他時候不要總是想同一個人……
該學的永遠學不完，要改的卻好像總也改不了。
Almaz語錄9 - Selfish
You said selfish people make you angry, but you know what, you are the most selfish person
I've ever met. The way you treat me is addictive, and now I can't get along with anyone
else.
0:28
Strong
